Author Archive for Mike Kaede


This is not the End

Even if the morrow is barren of promises, nothing shall forestall my return. To become the dew that quenches the sands, To spare the seas, the skies… I offer thee this silent sacrifice.

Loveless, Final Act.

We’ve been kind of inactive lately and for that I’m sorry, but this is the post we should have made a long time ago. On June 25th, my subscription to Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning ran out, and I haven’t yet seen fit to renew it. Mythic’s overall lack of progress with the game is a truly sad sight, and for the same reason as many other bloggers, I am choosing to not play the game, at least until I hear good news.

However, this is not the end. Meteorfall and I have been discussing a completely new blog; a general gaming blog. I’m also willing to bet he discusses Prototype.  I might eventually return to the Age of Reckoning once I hear the game is going well, but if I’m going to need to use the /stuck tool over ever little game object I attempt to jump over I can’t see the point.

As far as returning to the Game That Shall Not Be Named goes, I don’t quite know yet. I’ve been seeing the patch notes for that game and based on hearsay I am quite disturbed. The ungodly overpowering nature of the Death Knight, the utter nerfing of Warlocks…I am not amused. The Game That Shall Not Be Named has become exceptionally easy, especially if you read the 3.2.0 notes, but that’s preferable to a game with a failing population and enough bugs to make a Private Server feel good about itself.

Wow I’m starting to sound like some bitter ex-boyfriend.

Anyway, I’ll talk with Meteorfall about a new beginning for Spank the Tank, because I actually enjoy writing and this gives me as good an excuse as any to do so.

A Few Nice Links:

Someone Wicked is my other blog, a social and political commentary entitled “As Society Falls”

My Deviant Art Page can be found there. You honestly didn’t think I just yelled about how much I hate Stuntiez did you? Currently I’m working on a full story entitled “Days of the Plague“, the life of survivors after a cataclysmic plague brought society crashing down below them.

Meteorfall will be providing you with a link to our new General Gaming Blog.

To those of you still embroiled in the ongoing struggles between the Alliance of Order and the Hordes of Destruction (I hope you see what I did there), good luck, and may your enemies fall swiftly.

To all of you; this is not the end. We shall return.


Mike’s Quest For Power; Frozen Ascendancy #2

So yeah. This marks my second week as a Warhammer Guild Leader, and holy hell it’s actually challenging and fun. You have to organize things and arrange things. It’s really different to over on WoW, when all the guild leader did was swear at people and say “We’re raiding today”. I have to actually do things, and that’s taking a bit to get into.

Ascendancy this week; continued to kick ass in Tier 1 and 2, with a few players moving into Tier 3. We dinged GR6 and I’m just waiting to run into the two guild leaders I need to talk to to get the Alliance up. Still considering names but I like “The Coming Curse”. It is an awesome song and reference to the fact we’re mostly Tier One and Two, with a pinch of Tier 3.

It also seems that Tier 1 / Tier 2 flavour of the month is Warrior-Priest and Knight of the Blazing Sun, as far as Order on Dark Crag goes. Which is why I am a very happy White Lion. Except for that the Lionheart tactic doesn’t work. Thricebecursed Mythic!

My (very badass) friend, Vaninda the Warlock from WoW, has started playing WAR, so yeah. The awesomeness of our player base has gone up by a fistful of ass-whoopin’.

Apologies for my inactivity lately. I have a new laptop that needs a serious spanking. And not in the good jiggly way.

And now I must leave, for there are people in need and maidens fair to be rescued! Away!


From the Flames, as Chance Would Have It

There would rise those with hearts forged from ice. Ladies, gentlemen. Brothers and sisters of the Order of Dark Crag, the Frozen Ascendancy has risen again!  The Frozen Ascendancy was the guild I ran back on the Game That Must Not Be Named, with an evolution of four years and a bloodied road of gold. Eventually we rerolled the guild to “Frozen Supremacy”, once we’d done everything you possibly could in said game. Having found a new world, ripe for domination, we will rise.

For those of you that wish to join our Ascendancy on our path to undeniable victory, contact myself on Laionhart or Meteorfall on Luxeon. We’re also interested in forming Alliances, and have been discussing it with a few guilds with whom we share common interests.

But yes, each Sunday, or Saturday, I will be posting a little update to inform you all of what we got up to this week! So here it is!

This week; Frozen Ascendancy was formed. Yay. Since then, we have been very active in ORVR this week, I have led keep raids with at least one group with Ascendants within. Seeing as this was our first week we haven’t done much ‘as a guild’, but tonight will mark our first “Guild Title Run”, wherein we get a group, or warband, and run North from Altdorf, all the way up to the Chaos Wastes, in an effort to pick up the cool titles, like “Scion of Anarchy“, “King Slayer” and “Foe of the Dark Gods“. It’s a lot of fun and also offers a lot of XP rewards from “Notable Persons” and Tome Unlocks.

We’ve made friends with the guilds Warpath and One Legion. One Legion‘s guild lead, Lumani, is a pretty cool guy. We had two ORVR warbands running around and we were sending whispers to co-ordinate them. I spent Sixteen Hours in ORVR on friday night. Of course I’d like, go AFK every so often. I spent an hour AFK in Mandred’s Hold during an attack by Destruction. I came back, as an R15 White Lion, with my influence capped. It was win.

On the subject of “win”, I’d like to discuss these Medallions. It’s cool how cheap things are now. My WL had full Obliterator at R13. And I killed an R12 Magus as an R8 Warrior-Priest, and it somehow dropped a Tier 4 medallion. Did you know they convert into 125 Tier 1 Medallions? Oh yeah. Full Decimator and half of Obliterator at R8. Happy me. What I’d like to see, is for Battlefield Objective Heroes drop one for every person who killed it, and for the “Defend [Keep Name]” quest to reward at least one.

I’d also like to bring up another issue, not just with ORVR, but with warbands in general. If you are in a warband that is actually doing something, like, I don’t know, a keep raid, have the common decency to not take the scenario pop. Or better yet, unqueue. I’m sick of having to kick people every five minutes because they’re in Stonetroll Crossing! Also, this one’s a bit harder, try not to goof off and do your own thing if you’re in a warband doing ORVR. It’s annoying and it wastes precious space. Do you think Warband spots grow on trees!? No they do not.

I’m sorry for the rant and ragepost. But seriously. Enough’s enough. Consider yourself lucky I didn’t get on a DPS Archmage rant. In closing; join Frozen Ascendancy if you play Order on Dark Crag. Also. Don’t be stupid. Have some consideration.

And remember; when life gives you lemons, blood for the blood god.


WCPI, and more.

Before I get too into it I am sad to announce that Dont, the writer from Blame The Healer has chosen to definitely not resubscribe to Warhammer. He, like the others, will be sorely missed, but we’d still like to see you guys around, on MSN, even. Blame the Healer is the blog that stood out most to me, as a great blog and a catchy name. It was my old WoW guild’s motto. “If anything goes wrong, blame the healer.” Theerivs from Way of the Chosen has also decided to quit the game. Girl IRL, a WAR blog by Jennifer, who I’m disappointed I never got to catch up with ingame on the server we both play Destruction on; Praag, has quit WAR, but has a new blog we can read.

And the funny part is that THESE WERE THE PEOPLE I WERE GOING TO WCPI FOR THIS WEEK. Bastards. So here’s Incoming Pull by Tulane Grimm.

This blog is great and I’m disappointed I didn’t get into it sooner. Grimm, as cliche’d as it sounds, “tells it like it is”. He has practical advice, such as how to stave off boredom and not losing interest in the game. I highly recommend Incoming Pull. Read it. Or there’ll be Witch Elves waiting for you…and not in the good way.

In other news, Meteorfall has switched to US realms and we’re both now playing Praag (Destruction) and Dark Crag (Order). Look us up!

For all of those disheartened by the losses from our community, stand tall and look onward. For though this game is not perfect, we must hope, and pray to Mork (or is it Gork?) that Mythic see their mistake and learn from it. For if they do not, all shall be lost, another MMO fallen to oblivion and more great potential destroyed by Electronic Arts. Let us hope that this game goes in such a direction that all those who have left, will return.


Mike’s Quest For Power; Need Reinforcements

It’s no great secret that the key to kicking ass is having a good guild by your side and a heavy meatshield in front of you. As I already have a meatshield, named Zac, who is incidentally the winner of our old tagline contest, I need a guild.

I’ve kind of been bouncing around guilds, entering and leaving at a whim. A few things put me off, like when someone just throws a random invite to the whole group to join the frigging guild. I have standards, I’m sorry.

This part of the rant won’t make as much sense if you don’t play Order-side Dark Crag, but hey, I do. There’s a little group of guilds there. Perchance you have heard of them; Ruin, Rhuin, Ruination and maybe even Rhuination. There’s upwards of four. There’s always people from these guilds spamming T1 Empire Region Chat with invites. Zerg guild. I would never join one.

Or RAHSTYLES. This man is a fucktard. A rank 20 Knight who refuses to level past 20 and does nothing but create zerg guilds that do nothing except have guilds in FULL CAPS CUZ CAPS ARE AWESOME. I’ve talked with the dude. He’s an idiot and half the channel was abusing him and mocking his guild. So yeah. Avoid RAHSTYLES TRAUMA UNIT and whatever else has RAHSTYLES.

Right now I’m playing Destruction on Praag, and I’m having a look around. Have not seen a single amusing guild name yet. Magius (or was it Lucan?) had “Squig Stole My Hat”, Ironclaw had the “Squig Cub Clubbing Club” and Dark Crag has “Ctrl-Alt-Elite”. Guild names that gave me a giggle. And in the case of Ctrl-Alt-Elite, kicked my ass in Mourkain Temple when all of their side was a premade.

I’m not gonna name the guild I’m in at the moment, cos that wouldn’t be nice considering I’m planning on leaving for something better. No offence to the guild but for a guild with 370 players there is never more than five people online. And they’re scattered across the world. But, y’know, take what you can get. The whole “look for a guild” thing is awesome but I’d feel weird being all “oh hey can I join your guild I saw it on the guilds page”. That’s just me.

So I put this to ya. Who, on Praag’s Destruction army, wants to make a guild with me? Ladyrevan, Disciple of Khaine, currently level 17 but I’m getting levels pretty quickly. Guild will be;

  • casual/hardcore. It sounds like a redundant contradiction but it’s not. Basically means you can go at your own speed but we also welcome hardcore players.
  • ORVR, Scenario, PQ and Lair/Dungeon based. Just do whatever’s going on.
  • Organized, but not strict. We’ll have officers and the like but won’t be dicks about rank.

And now for a name… I’m just gonna throw a few around. You’ll be able to see a definite ‘style’ to the names. They’re just the names I’m thinking of.

Frozen Ascendancy. The Coming Curse. For the Fallen. The Soulforged. Kinslayers. Reign of the Wicked. Requiem of Discord. Crucible of WAR. Unleash Annihilation.

Anyone’s free to join, but y’know, usual rules of human decency apply. This invitation is also extended to the people of other blogs. Would that this happened months ago so I may have been able to play with Omelettez and Pancakez… but I digress. Depending on how the guild goes I’ll make a regular “what we did this week” post.

If you’d like to get in on this, contact me ingame on Ladyrevan, via whisper or mail, or just leave a comment here. Destruction-army, Praag. Will you answer this call to arms? This call of honour? This call of duty!?

We will stand where others fall! We will arise! We will divide! We have the power to bring the end!


Even if the morrow was barren of promises…

Nothing has forestalled my return

Nothing has forestalled my return

And he cried with a loud voice ‘Lazarus, arise!’ And Lazarus did come forth from the grave. I have returned. I salute all of you who have risked your lives countless times to topple Destruction; to perpetuate our cause. To honor Order’s name. For your faith I am eternally grateful, and I call on you again to bring glory to the Empire. Arise, my friends, I have returned. Never to leave your side again. Certain powers sought to destroy me, but they have only made me stronger. Today…we begin a march into the future.

I was saddened to hear that some of the others have left Warhammer Online. Let us raise a drink to the characters of Regis, Pancakez and Omelettez. May their character files find peace until they are called on once again to return to the onslaught. But though our friends, and allies, are gone, we shall have no fear and stand against our enemies in our darkest hours.

As you may be able to tell, I’m in a somewhat roleplayish, poetic mood today. Have been for awhile, recently drafted up a short, and mildly abridged history of my former guild on the Game that Shall Not Be Named. It was well received and considering the history itself…would make for quite the tale. A tale of fallen gods doing battle alongside mortals, of the corruption of the higher powers, of fury and rage, the death and rebirth of an entire world and all those who once dwelled within! The tale of the Frozen Ascendancy!

I get worked up, mostly because I romanticize and mourne the past. Anyway, as Meteorfall was saying, we haven’t really introduced our characters well at all. Mostly a name and class if we talk about them at all. So here’s mine…

  • First among us; two weeks after release. Valeriana, later renamed Sindriana. Rank 16 Sorceress on Darklands.
  • Second was Laerioth the Blackguard, started after Heavy Metal. Rank 15, Darklands. Played until a week after Heavy Metal ended. This was back when my only game-time was at my friend’s, on his account.
  • Third was my first foray into Order…oh about when we started this blog. Kitina, Skirmisher Mastery Shadow Warrior. R17. On Dark Crag. /shudder
  • Fourth, Halfblind DeGuardian, Grace Mastery Warrior-Priest of Sigmar. R26.

See, those four were characters I played on my friend’s account while he was battling his sleeping disorder. He had reversed sleeping habits and was pretty much asleep whenever I was awake, so I re-opened his account with a gamecard I bought. Once he got better I had to get my own account and reroll. Once I’d done that, I rejoined my dark brethren in Destruction, on Praag. Order have the better players in T4, admittedly, but Destruction’s best classes are far cooler.

  • Sephissa, the Witch-Elf. Most fun I’ve had playing melee-DPS ever. R11
  • LadyRevan, the Disciple of Khaine. Top of the healing chart all through T1. Rank 13.
  • And a Zealot that I can’t remember the name of but he was R6 and I didn’t like the class.

To be honest I’ve never really gotten that far into it, between rerolling and internet issues… but I’m going to give it another try.

And I’d like to address a little issue with the Warhammer community, while I’m here. Every time someone mentions World of Warcraft on region chat, it erupts into swearing and the ever-clever “omg WoW sux”. Like many Warhammer players I am ex-WoW. Say whatever you like, but seriously, this “omg WoW sux” elitism is bullshit and I’m getting sick of it. How many people on Warhammer Online left World of WarCraft to play this game?

Give me five good reasons to say that it “sucks”. Reasons must be valid and can’t be used to speak out against other MMOs. I’ll give you some examples.

  • “the classes r OP”

My simple answer to this is “Choppa. Fuck off.” No game has perfect class “balance” or whatever. But what I dig about WAR is how the classes have some kind of synchronized disorder that makes it work.

  • “gnomes. rofl”

Yeah I hate Gnomes too. The physics doesn’t work. But y’know what? Play Horde. Smash the little fuckers. Run newbs through Gnomeregan. They get shinies and you get to hurt Gnomes. Win-win.

  • “blizz suck”

Well yeah, this is true. But I consider this argument mildly invalid because Warhammer is an EA game. EA. ^^

I left WoW to play WAR, but honestly, there’s no real justification for the smacktarded abuse of the game on region chat. Lets stop the elitist bullshit and get back to smashin’ stunties. Because they are the real enemy.

A small portion of my former glory

A small portion of my former glory

Here we have an old guild screenshot. Yeah it’s photoshopped because half of the toons are mine and I couldn’t get everyone on at the same time.

Back Row: Bearlock (Druid), Sindarian (Mage), Bankai (Main / Paladin), Sinistrage (Warlock), DarkTemplar (Rogue), Egghealer (Priest)
Front Row: Lard (Paladin), Bankai (Paladin), SetAbominae (Warrior)


Temporary Leave

Yeah…guess who downloaded too much again? -guiltyface-. My internet is capped. Or shaped, depending on where you are. In other words; it means that the lag I get in Warhammer is as ungodly as PvPing in Ironforge. It’s THAT BAD. I get booted from scenarios for inactivity even if I’m in the front-lines SPANKING destro in the face. So yeah, I’m sorry if you don’t get any ‘me’ posts.

Oh no, don’t cry. It’s alright, don’t cry… I’ll make it all better… or rather, my ISP will. Expect my GLORIOUS return by the 18th. Until then, y’know… well I just got Soulstorm today. Who should I play as first; Sisters of Battle or the Dark Eldar?

Even if the morrow is barren of promises, nothing shall forestall my return.