25
Jan
09

Mike’s Quest For Power; or, Fightar Likes Swords

Ah, the character creation screen, how I typically love you, unless you’re a Bethesda Softworks game and I spent half an hour designing how my character’s nose hairs protrude from his crusty nostrils. But this time it’s not, because this is Warhammer and High Elves don’t have much nose-hair to begin with!

That’s right, I’m forsaking my atypical burny Destruction login screen for the Order one, and I’m rolling a Swordmaster on Ironclaw! My one issue is, I have a real penchant for attempting to make gothic, or at the very least, badass looking characters. Which was fine if you played WoW, because you could have whatever the hell hair colour you like. Even bright sodding blue. So I give him some earrings, ditch the circlet, choose a hair-style that reflects my own: Long, brown with bangs at the front, no tail.

Cloud was busy. They sent me. Fightar. Fightar McGee.

When I was level three~I rolled a High elf class~I rolled an elf class on an account, with my friend's Log In ID~ my name is Fightar McGee...when I was level three.

And born is he, Fightar, into the Age of Reckoning. I rolled a Swordmaster because I enjoy tanking, but even more, I like swords. I have a few in real life; seven of them, in fact. A bastard sword, two katanas, two wooden katanas, a swept-hilt rapier, and a ebony-hilted runeblade. And since the starter’s sword looks kind of like my Bastard Sword, then why not? I am the Sword Master, Fightar. Before I go further, I’ve named him Fightar because of the Warrior / Fighter in Brian Clevenger’s webcomic, 8-Bit Theater. I love this comic, and Fighter has to be one of my favourite characters in the series; next to Black Mage, Thief, Red Mage and King Steve. Check it out at http://www.nuklearpower.com

I awake into the world to see Guitar the Archmage, who I think logged in and went AFK, and Allia the Shadow Warrior. Ooh, a quest! I must go get it. I suffer from GDD; Green Dot Distraction. Okay, I have to go commit some mass geno…impicide upon some Spritey looking things. I know this is WARhammer but can’t we get along?! Oh the humanity…wait. Oh the Elfity! Bah. Screw it; they’re only trash mobs. Stabbity!

Green Dot! Whee!

Green Dot! Whee!

I am a High Elf. Let’s reflect on this. I embody nobility, grace, balance, and awesomeness in general. Our dark-sided brethren, Dark Elves, are savage, corrupt, evil creatures who would burn and pillage as quickly as I would equip a sword. Now tell me why my Throw ability is an axe?! Elves do not use axes. Uncivillized weapon. It’s not an Elven weapon. It’s for lesser beings. Like Orkz. Because not only do they burn and pillage, but they smell. Really bad.

Spamming Ensorcelled Blow. It’s like I’m spinning with a blade~just spinning with a blade~what a glorious feeling I’m grinding again~.

Ensorcelled Blow? Sounds like something a Squig Herder tried to sell me in a shady part of Inevitable City once… I can’t believe I’m being asked to kill Dark Elves now. My mains are Dark Elves. How would these questgivers like it if I told them to kill their alt character’s species!

You can see Guitar in the Distance

You can see Guitar in the Distance

And look at all these High Elves standing around! There’s a bunch of level 1 Dark Elf newbies running around killing their people, and there’s swarms of High Elves listening to a level 2 hero crying! I mean…mobilize the defence! For the Phoenix-King! I’m just cranky cos I can’t find the book for the Tome Entry quest. Ooh, I finded it…handed in the quest…and Ding! Time for my skills.

Oh look. One of my Mastery Paths is “Path of Khaine”. Now…I’m not sure about this, but don’t our sworn, bastard cousin enemies praise Khaine as they massacre our people? I mean come on, if the Dark Elves are being this successful, it’s obvious who Khaine has sided with here! Quick Incision… otherwise known as stabbing someone in the leg. Works for me.

Oh…Khaine yes. I get to use a Bolt Thrower to shoot down Harpies. I Like Swords, but I ❤ Siege Weapons. The quest is over! No, lemme back on, that was fun! Please? I’ll be yer fwend…no? Well I’m glad my questgiver is there half-dead because he is a party pooper! And now I see Shadowmeld the Shadow Warrior. Wow, I wonder what you used to play. Nah, random player-character that I’ll probably never see again, you’re cool.

Now, if you will excuse me, there are some Witch Elves (half-naked elf chicks with knives) that need attending to. They’ve pushed their bounds and have been very naughty little Elves! Whoever thought it’d be Warhammer that would bring out my kinky side?

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