A new beginning, join us !

As Mike has previously announced, we’ve moved to a more General-MMO/Gaming blog, and hope to take all our WAR readers with us. In fact, I’ve just recently re-subbed to WAR and will keep writing about it there as I have here.

So, please visit and subscribe (^^) to Patch Notes, Spank the Tank’s new home. Your favorite writers Meteorfall and Mike will of course still be present, along with a new addition to the team : Laterium.

WAAAGH Well and don’t forget to join us on Patch Notes !


This is not the End

Even if the morrow is barren of promises, nothing shall forestall my return. To become the dew that quenches the sands, To spare the seas, the skies… I offer thee this silent sacrifice.

Loveless, Final Act.

We’ve been kind of inactive lately and for that I’m sorry, but this is the post we should have made a long time ago. On June 25th, my subscription to Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning ran out, and I haven’t yet seen fit to renew it. Mythic’s overall lack of progress with the game is a truly sad sight, and for the same reason as many other bloggers, I am choosing to not play the game, at least until I hear good news.

However, this is not the end. Meteorfall and I have been discussing a completely new blog; a general gaming blog. I’m also willing to bet he discusses Prototype.  I might eventually return to the Age of Reckoning once I hear the game is going well, but if I’m going to need to use the /stuck tool over ever little game object I attempt to jump over I can’t see the point.

As far as returning to the Game That Shall Not Be Named goes, I don’t quite know yet. I’ve been seeing the patch notes for that game and based on hearsay I am quite disturbed. The ungodly overpowering nature of the Death Knight, the utter nerfing of Warlocks…I am not amused. The Game That Shall Not Be Named has become exceptionally easy, especially if you read the 3.2.0 notes, but that’s preferable to a game with a failing population and enough bugs to make a Private Server feel good about itself.

Wow I’m starting to sound like some bitter ex-boyfriend.

Anyway, I’ll talk with Meteorfall about a new beginning for Spank the Tank, because I actually enjoy writing and this gives me as good an excuse as any to do so.

A Few Nice Links:

Someone Wicked is my other blog, a social and political commentary entitled “As Society Falls”

My Deviant Art Page can be found there. You honestly didn’t think I just yelled about how much I hate Stuntiez did you? Currently I’m working on a full story entitled “Days of the Plague“, the life of survivors after a cataclysmic plague brought society crashing down below them.

Meteorfall will be providing you with a link to our new General Gaming Blog.

To those of you still embroiled in the ongoing struggles between the Alliance of Order and the Hordes of Destruction (I hope you see what I did there), good luck, and may your enemies fall swiftly.

To all of you; this is not the end. We shall return.


Viral Marketing : Computer Camping Mode, ACTIVATE !

So, you may or may not have heard about the new “Blogging Challenge” that Mythic just unveiled. It’s pretty similar to the previous Night of Murder project, with the poems and stuff, except this time, players can actually win something by deciphering “cartouches’ that will appear on online gaming sites very soon.

In fact, with blogs receiving mail from Mythic in the next three weeks, you’ll get translations for a few hieroglyphs. Once you think you’ve found the meaning of one of the cartouches, you’ll need to go to your Account Management Page, and enter the code (which are apparently names of Tomb King Royalty). However, each cartouche only contains 1,000 Scarab Amulets (Which is the prize for this contest. It’s basically a graphical pocket item that sends scarabs over your character. Badass.), so you’ll need to be fast in order to successfully obtain one of the Amulets. There’ll be 5 cartouches, meaning only 5,000 players will be able to win.

That said, I’ll keep a list here of what blogs have received packages from Mythic, so good luck to everyone, and may the force be with you :

Tome of Knowledge

Epic Slant

Da’ Toughest

Keen and Graev



Bio Break


A High Latency Life

Eat your veggies, Meteorfall.

Also, I’ve edited the blog’s “about” page (which is right under the huge Orc Warboss on our header ^^) with our e-mails, so that if anyone feels the need to contact us, they can.


Blogroll Update !

Sorry for not posting for a week or so, I’ve been playing Oblivion a lot ^^

Anywho, I’ve updated STT’s blogroll so that only active blogs (~a post every week) are up there. If I’ve missed any of you guys please leave a comment on here and you will be added !

Short posts FTW ! (I promise I’ll give you a fuckload of a post soon ;))

-Eat your veggies, Meteorfall.


Mike’s Quest For Power; Frozen Ascendancy #2

So yeah. This marks my second week as a Warhammer Guild Leader, and holy hell it’s actually challenging and fun. You have to organize things and arrange things. It’s really different to over on WoW, when all the guild leader did was swear at people and say “We’re raiding today”. I have to actually do things, and that’s taking a bit to get into.

Ascendancy this week; continued to kick ass in Tier 1 and 2, with a few players moving into Tier 3. We dinged GR6 and I’m just waiting to run into the two guild leaders I need to talk to to get the Alliance up. Still considering names but I like “The Coming Curse”. It is an awesome song and reference to the fact we’re mostly Tier One and Two, with a pinch of Tier 3.

It also seems that Tier 1 / Tier 2 flavour of the month is Warrior-Priest and Knight of the Blazing Sun, as far as Order on Dark Crag goes. Which is why I am a very happy White Lion. Except for that the Lionheart tactic doesn’t work. Thricebecursed Mythic!

My (very badass) friend, Vaninda the Warlock from WoW, has started playing WAR, so yeah. The awesomeness of our player base has gone up by a fistful of ass-whoopin’.

Apologies for my inactivity lately. I have a new laptop that needs a serious spanking. And not in the good jiggly way.

And now I must leave, for there are people in need and maidens fair to be rescued! Away!


WCPI – And a list of fun links

So, I’ve decided to WCPI Lagwar this week, as they’ve been around for a long time in the WAR Community. And y’know ? Podcasts R FUN ! Seriously though, if you’ve never heard of Lagwar, you better check it out now, great quality shit in there peeps ! Also, they regularly do contests and give out codes for in-game items, so be sure to check the site out often to have a chance of acquiring one of those if you’ve missed Games Day Baltimore, for example.

Yay fer Short WCPIs, sorry Slurms and Ziss, but I know you love me.

Anywho, I forced my co-writer Mike to quote Samuel L Motherfucking Jackson today through his mic, and saved I could share it to the world ^^ (And aye, it’s really him) :

Hurray ! (Click the little “Download” link under “Filename”, not “Download Now”)

He also loves Pulp Bard, a Pulp Fiction script in Elizabethian, yeah you read that right.

In other news, I HIGHLY recommend reading the Abridged Scripts from The Editing Room, because they are HILARIOUS.

And that is it, although I have an idea behind my mind, which I will unveil in my next post.

Eat yer veggies (YOU WILL EAT THEM SQUIT !), Meteorfall.


Beware ! Goblin Guide

If you’re into powerleveling, PDF/in-game guides for WAR etc. You’ve probably heard of Goblin Guide, it’s supposed to be the best on the market, and the reviews you can find around the intrawebz are good. Well, I’ve come to buy it , and I am TRULY disapointed.

The levelling guides are useless and outdated. And there’s been no updates for over a month. The Misc. Guides are just plain low quality. The “Gold Guide” is very short and not worth it at all. And, the RvR guides are also very low in content. Also, the “Video Guides” are just videos you can easily find on youtube.

Apparently, there’s a 60-day guarantee, but I’ll still save my account and tell you guys if there ever is an update. I’m sure it was a great guide pre-1.2, but now it’s just useless. So yeah, if you’ve ever thought of spending 37$ for this guide, don’t. Or at least not right now, as it will be a true waste of money.

-Eat your veggies, Meteorfall.


From the Flames, as Chance Would Have It

There would rise those with hearts forged from ice. Ladies, gentlemen. Brothers and sisters of the Order of Dark Crag, the Frozen Ascendancy has risen again!  The Frozen Ascendancy was the guild I ran back on the Game That Must Not Be Named, with an evolution of four years and a bloodied road of gold. Eventually we rerolled the guild to “Frozen Supremacy”, once we’d done everything you possibly could in said game. Having found a new world, ripe for domination, we will rise.

For those of you that wish to join our Ascendancy on our path to undeniable victory, contact myself on Laionhart or Meteorfall on Luxeon. We’re also interested in forming Alliances, and have been discussing it with a few guilds with whom we share common interests.

But yes, each Sunday, or Saturday, I will be posting a little update to inform you all of what we got up to this week! So here it is!

This week; Frozen Ascendancy was formed. Yay. Since then, we have been very active in ORVR this week, I have led keep raids with at least one group with Ascendants within. Seeing as this was our first week we haven’t done much ‘as a guild’, but tonight will mark our first “Guild Title Run”, wherein we get a group, or warband, and run North from Altdorf, all the way up to the Chaos Wastes, in an effort to pick up the cool titles, like “Scion of Anarchy“, “King Slayer” and “Foe of the Dark Gods“. It’s a lot of fun and also offers a lot of XP rewards from “Notable Persons” and Tome Unlocks.

We’ve made friends with the guilds Warpath and One Legion. One Legion‘s guild lead, Lumani, is a pretty cool guy. We had two ORVR warbands running around and we were sending whispers to co-ordinate them. I spent Sixteen Hours in ORVR on friday night. Of course I’d like, go AFK every so often. I spent an hour AFK in Mandred’s Hold during an attack by Destruction. I came back, as an R15 White Lion, with my influence capped. It was win.

On the subject of “win”, I’d like to discuss these Medallions. It’s cool how cheap things are now. My WL had full Obliterator at R13. And I killed an R12 Magus as an R8 Warrior-Priest, and it somehow dropped a Tier 4 medallion. Did you know they convert into 125 Tier 1 Medallions? Oh yeah. Full Decimator and half of Obliterator at R8. Happy me. What I’d like to see, is for Battlefield Objective Heroes drop one for every person who killed it, and for the “Defend [Keep Name]” quest to reward at least one.

I’d also like to bring up another issue, not just with ORVR, but with warbands in general. If you are in a warband that is actually doing something, like, I don’t know, a keep raid, have the common decency to not take the scenario pop. Or better yet, unqueue. I’m sick of having to kick people every five minutes because they’re in Stonetroll Crossing! Also, this one’s a bit harder, try not to goof off and do your own thing if you’re in a warband doing ORVR. It’s annoying and it wastes precious space. Do you think Warband spots grow on trees!? No they do not.

I’m sorry for the rant and ragepost. But seriously. Enough’s enough. Consider yourself lucky I didn’t get on a DPS Archmage rant. In closing; join Frozen Ascendancy if you play Order on Dark Crag. Also. Don’t be stupid. Have some consideration.

And remember; when life gives you lemons, blood for the blood god.


Frustration is REALLY getting me

So, the Herald’s Twitter gave a code(s ?) out again today. When I saw the announcement, I literally refreshed my page every 1 minute.

I was getting very hungry and decided “Hmm… I’ll try to stay close to my computer while I make meselfz something to eat.” Once I’m done, I refresh the twitter page and WHAT ? The code went out 8 minutes ago… SHIIIT ! Of course, it was allready used… I’m hoping they’re giving out another one cos’ the announcement did say Codes with an “s”. So yeah, this time I ain’t movin, and wish me luck yet again, to get those oh-so wanted in-game items.



I must be lucky…

Those Twitter giveaway codes are killing me. Now that I’ve changed my account to the US Herald, the damn codes work. So today I was all like “I hope Josh gives out some of the LotD codez… gwahahaha”. Of course, I forgot all about that after an hour or two.

I log in on Twitter… HOLY *censored for copyright purposes*, he gave codes out 16 minutes ago, if I’m lucky, one of em’ will still work. Anxiously enough, non of em’ worked GAH.

Nevertheless, I’m determined to get those shineyz soon enough. I guess I’ll camp in front of my screen until someone gives codes away. That could last long.

Oh and yeah, when I was on the EU Herald, I’d always manage to log on Twitter like 1 minute after a giveaway was done. Greaaaat.

That was my rant of the day folks, and wish me luck. Ima need a lawt of Hot Pockets.

Eat your veggies !